Political Science refresher course.......

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbra Streisand sings for you.


REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.


CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.


JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.


IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.


POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.


FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.


CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

NEO-CONSERVATIVE

You have two cows.
You think that's something.
They have millions of cows.
They don't think that's enough.

You vote for your issue.
They congratulate you on your support.
You get to keep both cows.
They are working on your issue.
They need more cows to get it done.

You need your cows.
They understand this.
They take your kids cows.
They continue to work on your issue.

NAZISM

You have two cows.
The Government shoots you and takes both cows.

ANARCHISM

You have two cows.
Keep both cows, shoot the government agent and steal another cow.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.
The government makes you take harmonica lessons.

MATRIX

There is no cow.

What do you get from a cow that can't remember anything?

Forgotton mammary's...ah memories.
Got Milk?
sorry...

Milk of Amnesia.

PDXRadio.com

You have 1,045 cows.
9 of them give most of the milk.
You find out that most of the milk isn't really milk at all.
You find out several of the cows are imposters and banish them.
You find out that the 9 are really 4 with multiple accounts.
You find out you're allergic to milk.
You sell the domain and let someone else deal with it.

LMAO.

Technically, you have 2,552 registered cows. As of 2:58pm on June 4th, 2008.

So mooooove on.

This is the best post Deane has ever done!

MOViN'®
A businessman has 2 cows.
For the right price, you can license the ability to claim the cows are yours.
You have little to no success with the cows.
You find another businessman with some "Jam."



For anyone with some extra time on their hands:
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/You_have_two_cows

UNION

Rich farmer owns two high-producing milk cows.
Well-paid farmhands show up on time, everyday to milk cows and fill tanker truck.
Well-paid driver delivers product on time, accident free to another rich guy's dairy.
Well-paid dairy workers produce dairy products on time, efficently, winning quality yogurt and cottage cheese awards.
Well-paid driver deliver quality dairy product to another rich guy's grocery store (yup, on time).
Well-paid grocery workers stock and market quality dairy products to the general public.

Results:

1) Rich owners rolling in dough.
2) Well-paid employees enjoy a family living.
3) Society benefits from local dollars (wages) staying local instead of being sent to Bentonville, AK.
4) No need for an old goat in Nebraska that produces sour milk.

"While visiting Kenya, former President Clinton was offered 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter, Chelsea, by a love struck government official. Bill said, "No way!"

I wonder how that makes Hillary feel? Bill almost gave her up for one cow."

PENTECOSTAL

You have two cows. One becomes ill.
You call in a faith healer, such as The Healing Evangelist Dan Nolan or (if you have the money) Benny Hinn.
The faith healer bops the cow on the head, and she falls over, crushing the two big guys who were supposed to catch her to prevent injury.
The faith healer does a bonus bopping of the two assistants crushed above to heal their injuries.
Faith healer talks in tongues, and everybody is happy.
Two days later your sick cow dies.

You have two cows, one republican, one democrat.
Their is a barnyard election for "Top Cow".
The Republican cow is in the lead with only the chicken coupe left to count, they are all Democrats so it looks dim for the Republican cow as they carry the majority swing vote.
Their beaks fail to properly punch out the ballets so all of their votes a tossed out.
The farmer then awards "Top Cow" to the Republican cow.